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Shutterstock / wherelifeishidden. I have known my best friend for 11 years. We are soulmates, destined to be in one another's lives.
Congratulations, you've discovered the amazing human that is my best friend. So you want to date her, huh? Well, I — the best friend — have.
No matter what your physical chemistry might be saying , it's important to step outside the scenario and see it clearly. Once you sleep with your best friend, you're heading down a road with no U-turn.
With our best friends, we tend to make allowances for them and let them get away with things that, no way in hell, we'd let others get away with when it comes to dating us. Because of this, you won't see the glaring red flags. You may know your best friend like the back of your hand, but you don't know what it's like to date your best friend.
Your Best Friend Knows You A Little Too Well Andrew Zaeh for Bustle When I first started sleeping with my best friend, before we "officially" started dating, my therapist would tell me over and over again that you're not supposed to know what your best friend looks like or sounds like when they orgasm.
7 Reasons You Shouldn't Date Your Best Friend
She definitely had a point there. Also, the flip side of that is that you may not want the person you're dating to know the details your best friend knows. They know who you may have had an affair with. They know all your deepest, darkest secrets. This is a tough premise on which to build a romance. Wouldn't a little mystery do a new relationship good?
Granted, you'll get to see another side of your best friend, like how they are as a partner, but there's still so much that's already been discovered and it's that fact that's worth considering. Like that isn't a disaster waiting to happen or anything. But, in addition to knowing that we've created one hell of a mess, I also know that our compatibility as partners versus our compatibility as friends are in completely different stratospheres.
For the most part, he is not the type of person I would ever want to seriously date and I'm pretty sure he'd say the same thing about me — despite the mass amount of sexual chemistry between the two of us.
However, sometimes when you start dating your best friend, you assume the friendship compatibility will automatically cross over to the partner compatibility, but that's not always the case — if ever the case. Basically, you think you're getting the real deal, but you just might be getting what your best friend wants you to see in the moment.
Remember that you can love them both without them necessarily having to enjoy each other. This goes for friends and partners who haven't dated, too, now that I think of it. Set aside time for each of them and honor it — don't drag your lover along on girls' night out not even if your lover is a lady; queer chicks are so bad about this , and don't invite your friend to what was supposed to be a romantic dinner at home.
No comparisons. Don't do this ever, but especially not if his last girlfriend is the person you're going rock climbing with Sunday. No matter what his answer is, it's going to make things weird. Besides, comparing yourself to anybody — even if you come out ahead — is always going to lead to feeling crappy, because basing your self-esteem on where you stand relative to someone else is Not Healthy. So don't seek out comparisons, and if your dude brings up the topic, tell him you're not interested in hearing it.
You and your friend are not in competition, except when you're actually playing Scrabble. Don't be paranoid. Don't try to keep your boyfriend and your bud from associating because you're afraid they still have feelings for each other, and don't constantly seek reassurance that that's not the case.
Here's How People Are Dealing With Their Best Friend Dating Their Crush
Trust that your dude is with you because he likes you and you're awesome, not because he's biding his time until your friend takes him back. Trust that your friend is happy you've found someone you dig, not plotting to sabotage your love. And don't ever use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part.
Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he's untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there's really nothing wrong, don't create problems where none exist.
Don't pry into their relationship. It may be tempting ask your friend to analyze what happened between the two of them so that you can avoid making the same mistakes, but resist that urge. Likewise, don't grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated. Their relationship is between them; it's not your cautionary tale or your soap opera. She carries a knife in her purse. She knows music. She skateboards, dirt bikes and can get down and dirty.
She plays Mortal Kombat, Sonic, Mario and everything in between. My sister is young, beautiful and wise. She is like a majestic songbird spreading her wings and blessing us with her vibrant light. She does not need to be wasting her glorious youth on fuck boys and losers. My sister is often one of the guys. Therefore, she has a lot of dude friends, meaning that you should be confident enough to respect that.
Must Like Dorks My sister is a dork.